


The 32th Birthday

by lucydwrites



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: M/M, Other, hurts like a motherfucker, thorcid - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-05 22:29:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13397592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucydwrites/pseuds/lucydwrites
Summary: "They stared at each other, two talkative people with a sudden lack of words."





	The 32th Birthday

 

 

Jamin didn’t know about time anymore.

He didn’t care that much before, and now it seemed more abstract than never. He lingered his existence between his apartment, airports, bars and Shane’s place. That was how he measured it. He was there again. In his bed. It was early in the morning and Shane’s bedroom had no curtains.

“I need to feel the sunshine getting in my room or I won’t wake up” he would hear Shane’s melodic voice.

He had his laptop on his legs, but no clothes on, promptly organizing Acid Betty’s schedules, and a heavy sleeper Shane by his side. After a bit, Shane started to move maybe annoyed with noise of fast typing.

“Thorgles?” he asked as he stop typing and looked down at naked Shane all rumpled under the sheets.

Dreadlocks all over the pillows. Shane would wake up every day like Marty Mcfly. He was a huge man that wasn’t used to share his bed. Jamin brushed away some dreads of his back and planted a kiss there, sniffing his soft skin, making circles with his nose. Shane shivered reacting to his touch.

“What time is it…” a muffled voice came out of the pillows.

“We’re always late” Jamin answered typing again.

Shane gathered forces to actually get up; he sat on the bed quietly staring at the void. One thing Jamin found out about Shane is that he wasn’t a morning person. And it was the period of the day when he would be more introspective, the energy at the lowest point, as if he was recharging. Jamin pretended to be typing while observed Shane’s morning ritual. He picked up his pajamas pants from the floor and put it on in a quick move. Jamin loved the way his ass looked in those pants and the back dimples. He arrenged his dreadlocks in a bun, quick and artful, the hands always so skillful. He felt a delicious warm in his belly when he remembered what those hands could do.

Shane stumbled across the room and picked up his glasses from the dressing table across the bed. He distractedly began to clean the lenses with a t-shirt that was on the chair, small blue-greenish eyes lit by the light of the morning and the engines of his mind starting to roll. Even his eyes colors were always in doubt. Today they were deep blue.

Jamin was aware of the awe struck look he had on. But he couldn’t help, he loved Shane’s body. Every inch of it. The crooked circles all over his arms and chest and the damn freckles. His lean stomach, and and that very happy trail…

“You’re so hot. You know that, right?” he finally said it after his little tour on Shane’s territory.

He scoffed in self deprecation and put his glasses on.

“Oh, shut up…” he replied not accepting the compliment as always but obviously flattered about it.

“Come here” Jamin invited him holding a grin and pursing lips. He put the notebook on the nightstand. He patted the bed and raised his brows.

Shane laughed shaking his head and teasing him.

“I need coffee first. Put some clothes on for a change, you whore” he turned down the offer going to the bathroom.

Jamin sighed defeated but amused in domestic bliss. He didn’t want to leave this place again. He didn’t want to leave him. And suddenly he felt a dark shadow in that bright room. His feelings for Shane were getting out of hand, he knew and felt it every time they started this dance.  
They both knew but didn’t dare to speak.

Shane was suddenly out of the bathroom with a white t-shirt on and toothbrush in his hand not noticing that Jamin was somewhere else spiraling over the parallel world they were in.

“It’s my birthday week and I…” he stopped when he noticed Jamin’s expression.

“We’re both gonna be on the road” he added trying to undercover his worries.

“Yeah… I know! ” Shane confirmed in a reasuring tone giving him a hopeful smile, “Buuuut after that I’m gonna have a small party with you and some of the girls…and you can stay here for a bit!” he finished excited with a little shimmy.

Shane’s energy seemed fully recharged. But Jamin couldn’t forget what he was trying to avoid.

“Yeah…sure” he answered frostily and picked up his laptop again.

He could feel Shane’s energy dissipating as a sudden cold breeze.

Shane just nodded and left the room not staying enough to be absorbed by that dark cloud.

They both knew.

They needed to end or begin this. There was no way back.

  
*

  
Thorgy was drunkenly lying on the hotel bed. His whole body was tingling with the electricity from the stage, still in full drag wearing his new golden romper. He removed his heels lazily. He was thankful for being completely involved with his performances, so he wouldn’t be alone to think or feel anything. His birthday week with his girl Raga was amazing. And she surely helped him gluing his pieces together again. If he stayed at home one day he would surely go mad.

The break up happened in few words. It was friendly.

Just as friendly as friendly fire could be.

“So I guess I’ll see you in your birthday party…?” Jamin was looking down, avoiding his eyes, bag on his shoulder. A few hours earlier he gathered his things after a we-should-end-this conversation. He winced and expected Shane to say otherwise.

“Yeah” Shane replied pretending it was just another ordinary day. They stared at each other, two talkative people with a sudden lack of words. “Girl, you’re gonna miss your flight” Shane was the first one to break the silence. Jamin just nodded and left. Shane stood there but he didn’t cry.

There was nothing to be broken, he reassured himself every day even though he felt shattered. He had known Acid for so many years, and they were still friends. Although not a word have been exchanged since that day. But he would get over this.

He got up tip toeing to put some music on. He inserted a flash drive on the DVD player of the hotel’s room. And laid on bed again.

Colorful waves going through his mind.

Jamin with a bucket of ice on his junk.

Acid with the light pink gown on the runaway.

Jamin’s studded hood.

“Ugh!” he felt the tears burning and rolling on his cheek and got annoyed so he stood up. He reached for a pack of cigarettes that was on nightstand, slow dancing to the song. He poured vodka on a glass that was there too, lit the cigarette and took a deep puff, wishing to be numb again. He held that solid glass dearly to his broken heart.

_“If you want something to play with_   
_Go and find yourself a toy_   
_Baby my time is too expensive_   
_And I’m not a little boy…”_

Aaron Neville was giving him good advice, and he was swinging and singing along. Raga arrived in the bedroom, out of drag, and surprised with the scene.

“Giiiiirl…” she was worried approaching him.

“Come here…dance with me babe…” Thorgy invited her putting his arms around Raga and she hugged her friend with a concerned look . She removed the cigarette from his hand as they rocked to the song, and put it inside the empty vodka bottle that was on the bedside table.

“You’re not smoking anymore…” she said it rocking Thorgy’s body softly. “I was gonna take you out with the other girls from the club…but I can feel that well…maybe it’s too soon…” she said it feeling the limbs of Thorgy melting on her.

She placed him slowly on bed. Adjusting his long legs to fit in. Thorgy didn’t fight back. He observed Raga cleaning up the place a little bit. The tears were still forming and making the pillow wet.

“I fucking…hate this” Thorgy's voice came out almost muffled, his throat sore, and he covered his face with both hands to cover the hot tears ruining his make up.

Raga rushed and sat by his side, secretly hating Acid Betty.

“l’m not going anywhere. Let’s stay in and watch _I love Lucy_ and buy everything that sparkle in those vintage stores tomorrow” she whispered picking Thorgy’s hands from her face and squeezing them.

They exchanged a meaningful look.

Thorgy laughed with messed tearful make up, even though still hurting. The show must go on, he knew it.

“And let me turn off this song for god’s sake…”

*

The pub was closed for Thorgy’s post birthday party. He had the impression that this May particularly was the longest month of his whole life. So many things compressed in such a short amount of time. He was feeling better and stronger. He didn’t know if Acid would come up, but he was ready for whatever.

Some of his dearly season 8 sisters were there, Bob, Cynthia and Robbie. They were all out of drag, and happy to have this one day off. Most of the girls weren’t able to make it because of their schedules. But he was very happy with them. His NY girls, Ruby and Raga, some people from his family. He felt loved.

He was on the small stage preparing his cello with the crew from the bar setting up the mics and the other technical details.

“I can’t believe you’re actually gonna perform with Cynthia. This is gonna be Cucu-epic” Bob approached him holding two beers and handed him one.

“Our rehearsal earlier was hysterical. After singing Maria Callas like a fucking goddess she went full Carlos saying "Dis is gonna be amaaaaaaasing” and I lost my shit”

They both giggled and Bob observed Shane checking the strings of his cello.

“Thooorgles! This is gonna be the first time I’m gonna see you perform live. I hope it won’t be like 5 notes done like in the finale” Bob teased him.

“And still a stand up ovation, bitch!” he teased back and they clinked bottles.

Other queens came up to talk to Bob and and Thorgy got out of the stage, as he walked he felt a a hand grabbing him on the waist.

“Hey” Jamin typical deadpan voice echoed behind him.

Shane felt like his heart was going to run the fuck out of his chest. He was lightheaded with Jamin in front of him, wearing his black I feel incredible t-shirt.

It felt like a cetury when finally words come out.

“Oh, hi!” and then Shane hugged Jamin very fast and awkward.

“Happy birthday, Shane!” Jamin replied and he seemed completely unbothered with the situation, which made Shane feel even more vunerable.

“Thanks…I’m glad you’ve made it.” Shane tried not to take so long this time and took a sip on the beer he forgot he was holding.

“ELIZABETH!"

They heard Bob's loud voice joining them. Shane took the opportunity to leave, but Jamin noticed. He left them talking and sneaked out.

"I’m gonna check Cynthia in the dressing room” he warned to the group and Jamin’s eyes were on him all the time

As he walked he took a deep breath. Heart drumming. Head spinning.

*

People were all gathered up around the small stage when Thorgy showed up with Cynthia, wearing a stunning blue kimono and people immediately went all full choir “KIMONO -NO!” excited for what they had prepared. Cynthia reached for her mic.

“This is my _Mulan_ realness, mis amores! I swear I didn’t bring a kimono to Drag race!” and she loudly laughed. Shane was all set and his eyes traveled to see the people there. He reached for his own mic, already with his cello placed between his legs.

“Hi, I’m serving Shane realness today” he felt the need to explain it. Somehow he felt exposed not being in Thorgy’s attire.

Jamin finally came out of the crowd and stood there, by Robbie’s side. He nodded at him in a reassuring way. The only way he knew how to quiet his mind when he was feeling nervous. There was a piano set too, and the young player was sitting on the stool as Shane and Cynthia gave him a sign.

The first piano notes of “Lovers” from _The house of the flying daggers_ started playing. Shane closed his eyes to feel the music. And Cynthia started singing. Everyone went quiet to the beauty of her voice…Shane felt the electricity on his veins when he reached for the first strings on his cello. A few minutes later after entering in his trance he just heard people’s huge applause and ovation. They were going nuts over them, cheering and whistling.

Cynthia reached for him with armas wide open and they both took a bow to the audience. He noticed Jamin clapping vividly, his blues eyes full of happiness.

*

He had too many beers and his relatives were drunk dancing. Suddenly he had flashbacks of his own teenage years prancing in his bedroom. The night seemed endless. The longest birthday in history.

After their brief interaction on stage, Jamin was always surrounded by people or nowhere to be found. In such a small place they couldn’t reach for each other. Shane was trying not to peek at what was going on outside on the sidewalk and focus on the people that were talking to him. All he could hear was a distant sound.

And there he was.

Jamin was taking to a tall, muscular guy. He looked like a pit crew member and they seemed very flirty, he kept towering over him and speaking on his ear. For someone who has always been used to loud noises and bright colors everything went sepia and dry, in a reserve Wizard of Oz effect.

The nod in his throat made him quiet as he smiled at the people talking to him.It was his typical routine to shut down the sadness.

But he needed to fade away.

*

He woke up scared . He had fell asleep on the table of the bar. All he remembered was doing shots with Bob and Robbie. Some queens piled over him.

“Birthday girl down is up again!” a distant voice echoed as he was getting concious again.

Everything was a blur. He felt sick. But he could see Jamin’s figure forming in front of him and sitting by his side. He was too drunk to even react.

“Shane, are you ok?” he was worried putting one arm over his shoulder and bringing him closer.

He felt even more nauseous feeling Jamin’s perfume.

“Bathroom. Now.”

That was all he could manage saying. Jamin helped him standing up and both moved to the bathroom with Shane too dizzy to even walk. When they got there Shane immediately reached for the toilet and threw up everything.

Jamin was helping, holding his dreads and feeling sorry for his state.

“I think I’ve never seen you like this before…girl, you could always hold your liquor on” he commented trying to cheer him up and while Shane was crawling to sat on the floor.

Jamin fetched him a paper towel to clean up. The bathroom was big and had three booths. It wasn’t as dirty as a bar bathroom would normally be. So Jamin sat on the floor by his side. Both leaning on the wall. Shane was trying to think about a cool thing to respond to this glorious moment but the alcohol was not allowing it. He was just pissed off.

“What…what are you doing here…” he just said annoyed side eyeing Acid. He knew every sentence that would come out of his mouth would be a disaster, but it was too late. “Why don’t you just… ugh…go out with that pit crew guy and leave me alone” he blurted it out and immediately regret took over.

His head was spinning. He put both hands on his temple.

“Shane, that man is just a random guy like many that are excited about Acid Betty and Drag Race. Like many we’ve met in every other bar” he explained calmly. Jamin with his stupid soothing and reasoning voice. Shane felt even more ridiculous.

“And there’s no other place I want to be…rather than here, sitting on this dirty floor, helping you spit your guts out…I mean, that’s the dream” he continued sarcastically and Shane let go a soft chuckle. What the hell he was angry about?

“I’m…sorry…I…you…you don’t need to explain anything to me” he stuttered meeting Acid’s eyes for the first time.   
Jamin just nodded finding them.

Both stood there in silence looking at the urinals in front of them. The muffled sound of the music playing outside.

“You know…Becky and I had this game when we were kids. It’s called off the record. We still play it…we say off the record, and then we’re aloud to say anything we wanna say and after we can’t comment on what we heard. It’s kinda frustrating but it helps a lot…are you in?” he asked raising his brows.

Shane was suddenly feeling very sober. Jamin sat in front of him, as if they were gonna play spin the bottle or conjure spirits. They couldn’t keep the eyes out of each other, anticipating the urge of saying all the things unsaid. Jamin took a deep breath. He was going first.

“Off the record…I miss you every day. I miss the smell of your fabric softener. I’m having the time of my life and at the same time I feel like when I’m not sharing it with you it’s all pointless. I miss you laughter, god, I MISS IT A LOT. I miss the way you are so energetic and the way you don’t make any sense 80 % of the time. Your friendship, because you are great friend. Your crazy whale noises songs. I miss having sex with you. I miss having sex with…Thorgy?" he questioned surprised himself with the last confession of this new experience and they both laughed loudly remembering their indiscretions backstage.

Shane was listening to him as tears were running on his cheek but he was smiling the whole time.

"Off the record...” Shane started hesitating, but feeling brave. “I think we can make this work. Even though I’m gonna be double extra about it. Because I still don’t understand how this is happening. Because of my insecurities. I miss your monotone, because I’m always talking in different ones. It keeps me grounded. I miss the way you say Thorgles. I miss your weight over me…”

Jamin didn’t even let him finish and kissed him with all the willingness that was bottled up. Their lips devouring each other as Jamin held Shane’s face and he responded straddling him. He started grinding on Jamin slowing the pace, Shane all breathless and in a drunk haste.

“You lost the game…” Shane whispered nibbling in Jamin’s ear lobe. He grabbed his ass pulling him closer and Shane gasped loud laughing. Shane sank in deeper on his crotch pursing lips in revenge. He could feel Jamin’s hard on sliding under him and the contact with the fabric of his jeans was driving him crazy.

“Fuck..” Jamin uttered all flustered but suddenly Shane stopped and was out of his lap, already standing up and offering him a hand to do the same.

“Let’s get out here…”

They stood up and left not noticing they were holding hands in public. They were hit with the awareness of the world outside. There was still some people in the bar, but they were closing. People didn’t seem to notice them.

“Let’s stay a bit…” Shane looked around squeezing his hand. Jamin frowned unsure about it.

“Really?” he asked walking a bit funny, probably feeling a rock between his legs.

“I love this song!” Shane was full energy again leading Jamin to the dancefloor. It was Patti’s Smith “Because the night”. Shane was dancing holding his hands, trying to make him move but he was acting like a resisting 5 year old not willing to leave the toy store without a toy.

“Come on!” Shane encouraged him lip syncing to the song.

“Oh, how I’ve missed being sexually frustrated by music” he replied giving up, Shane laughing shaking his arms even harder. He observed Shane lip syncing to the song and looking at him being his goofy self.

He felt like home. This was the beginning.


End file.
